How achieving my dreams led to disaster

I achieved my "dream job" in my "dream city" and it was the worse year of my life..

The following is a story adapted from a live talk by Michael Lin

I had spent the entire year building up my resume when I finally got my “dream job” in my dream city. I was going to be a “machine learning scientist” at a biotech startup in San Francisco, California (very fancy).

I was so convinced that this was the place for me. This is where I would finally find my perfect career, and more importantly, “my people.”

So I hop on a plane to San Francisco.. alone.

I get off the plane and head to my apartment with nothing but a suitcase. Open the door and walk in. The room echoes. There’s no bed. No furniture. Nothing... but a spoon.

This is the moment when I start to see just how alone I am here.

So the next day I rent a U-Haul. Drive across the Bay Bridge to IKEA—in a city I do not know, with no one to help me. This was not the best idea.

And as I’m struggling to hoist this heavy mattress into my truck, the weight of loneliness feels 10x heavier.

Three people stop and say “Do you need any help with that?”

And I wanted to say: “Well I just moved here. I really wish I had someone to help me. And I feel like I might collapse on the ground or burst into tears.”

What I actually said was: “uh yeah, if you don’t mind.”

We got it on the truck, but I had no idea how much harder it was about to get..

Every day, I would bike to work.

The very first thing I had to do was stand up and give a progress report. “Hey everyone, here’s what I achieved yesterday..” Yuck.

I felt a constant pressure to contribute more and to show how smart you are. There was a tacit notion that we are to go as fast as possible, at all times. It was exhausting!

I would wake up at 3am with my heart racing just from the stress. My shoulder joints were so inflamed, I thought I was developing a chronic illness, but it was really just the stress.

I’m laying there one night, staring at the ceiling fan, like “Wow I moved 3,000 miles.. for this.”

Slowly I start getting out there, making new friends. I had my friend Whitney, Andre, and Himanshu.

But they’re new friends. I can’t really rely on them. I’m still just getting to know them.

So here I am living the life I dreamed of, but I could not shake this fear—that anything could happen to me, and no one in this town would care.

One day at work I get a message:
“Michael can you come to the Saul’s office?”

This never happens. (Saul is the CEO). I knew something really good or really bad is about to happen.

I walk in. “Hey Saul what’s going on?” He looks so distraught, almost like he had been crying.

“We’re really sorry Michael, we don’t have enough funding to support your role anymore. This is your last day.”

I was scared, sad. But honestly part of me was also like “Welp, I guess that’s it. Peace out yall! It’s been real!”

I thought about it a lot. Eventually I realized “I’m don’t think I’m cut out for this whole tech world. I don’t really see a future in this whole career path. And I don’t think these are my people.”

So eventually I moved back to Maryland. Except this time, I wasn’t going alone.

My parents came, helped me pack up, and we all flew back together.

On the way back from the airport, we stop by the beautiful lake that I used to go to as a kid. I was speechless over how quiet it was here! Nothing but a few birds chirping in the distance.

All I remember was being hit with this wave of absolute peace. “I’m home. This is where my family is. This is where my friends are. This is where I have a social network. This is where I know people.”

And that type of peace hasn’t left me ever since.